Introductory Post #4: My Plan of Attack

Note: If you have not already done so, you will find it helpful to read these four introductory posts in order, as they set the background of this blog and the groundwork for what lies ahead. Click here to read the first, second, and third posts.

So now that you have a basic idea of where I am coming from and where I am now, here's my plan for where I will be going with this blog. Undoubtedly, these directional goals will be somewhat fluid as I study and learn and talk and pray, but for now, the following are what this blog will be focused on:

• The core thrust of the blog is examining Scripture's teaching on homosexuality. Eventually, I hope to write posts addressing each of the major passages that explicitly reference homosexual activity. I suspect that, as people respond to those posts, those responses will lead to other posts, but ultimately, I hope to be able to summarize concisely but thoroughly what is the teaching of each major passage. In addition, I hope to address any other related passages in Scripture.
  
• So, Scripture study is the heart of what I am doing here. The topic we are studying, however, is (at the very least) culturally complex, and I believe it may also prove to be theologically complex. Thus, before I dive into the deep water, I will likely spend quite a bit of time addressing the context of the topic to ensure that, in addition to saying the same words, we are also speaking the same language. So, I will address a number of other items, such as....
• The topic of homosexuality and religion is inseparable from emotion. The entire debate is filled with passion from start to finish. Consequently, people on both sides have a tendency (in spite of often-good intentions) to make unhelpful statements, use propaganda techniques, and misrepresent each other on a regular basis. The opposing side then often latches on to these things and uses them to broad-brush everyone who opposes their own views as intellectually vacant, deceptive, or dishonest. Emotions get higher, and reasoning together becomes a fading hope. So, while never intending to destroy those who make unhelpful statements, I want to identify such statements in the hopes that we can avoid such distractions in our own conversations here.
• Around the world, issues surrounding the cultural acceptance of homosexuality are being discussed on the news every day. Here in America, seldom a day goes by when topics such as gays in the military, gay marriage, gay adoption, inheritance rights for gay couples, conflict between human rights of gay people and the practice of religious beliefs, and many more are discussed, debated, and fought over in the media. While I don't want this blog to become a political stump for any issue, it would be shortsighted to think we could have this discussion in a cultural vacuum. Thus, when I believe a "hot topic" issue should be addressed in the course of the discussion, I will address that as well.
• As we cannot have this discussion separated from what is happening today in the world, neither can we hope to keep a balanced perspective disconnected from what has happened in the past. So, I want to write about the history of homosexuality, particularly from the end of the Scripture to modern day. Examining how we arrived at the cultural place where we find ourselves will help us better understand why certain modes of thinking are so deeply entrenched and communication often so difficult.
• Beyond these things, I cannot predict where this blog will go. I will likely share personal lessons learned along the way when relevant. Undoubtedly, I will want to express what I have discovered in my own spiritual walk that may be an encouragement to others. And perhaps, if we delve into an area of discussion where I think I'm out of my league more than normal, I may ask for guest authors to post.

All in all, I approach this with a serious mind but a light spirit. By this, I mean that I recognize the importance of handling the Word of God correctly and aligning my life by its principles. But I also have an incurable optimism that my Savior has already planned the path ahead of me, and as I acknowledge Him in all my ways, He will continue to direct my path.

So, I hope you will consider joining me on this journey. All I ask is that our conversations be patient and kind. Because of the tendency for comments on blogs such as this to get out of hand, I am going to have the comment moderation enabled, but I will only remove comments if they are inappropriate, not just for disagreeing with me on something. If you have any questions along the way, feel free to e-mail me at the address on the sidebar.

Introductory Post #3: My Presuppositions

Note: If you have not already done so, you will find it helpful to read these introductory posts in order, as they set the background of this blog and the groundwork for what lies ahead. Click here to read the first and second posts.

[edited 5/23/07 to fix typographical error]

A gay Christian. In some respects, what I am doing here is nothing new. There are many places one can go on the Internet to find discussions, debates, and arguments supporting or opposing the idea of the compatibility of homosexuality and Christianity. There are numerous believers with homosexual attractions who have shared their own stories and struggles online, and I have been immeasurably blessed by reading their words.

But I have not seen a blog yet that approaches this subject from quite the perspective and presuppositions as I, and so I hope that perhaps I may be able to contribute at least a small amount to the conversation. Here are a few things which, when taken together, I think might make this a somewhat distinct site:
I am determined to study this out exhaustively and truly "own" the conclusion the Lord directs me to.

• I was raised in an extremely conservative theological tradition. Though the church I currently attend would be identified as a conservative evangelical church, I was raised in one of the flagship churches of the movement known as fundamentalism. Representative of the fundamentalist movement are groups like the Fundamental Baptist Fellowship International, publications such as FrontLine magazine, educational institutions such as Bob Jones University, and blogs such as Sharper Iron. And, while having no hesitation to speak out against the excesses and imbalances of some within that movement, my understanding of theology and Bible interpretation is strongly influenced and shaped by fundamentalist pastors and teachers. Like them, I hold a high view of Scripture, believing in principles that follow literal, normal, grammatical-historical interpretation of the Bible. I believe that the Bible is inspired by God, inerrant in its original autographs, authoritative as man's final rule of faith and practice, and that God's Word is providentially preserved for us today in the multitude of manuscripts and faithful translations of that great Love Letter from God to man. So this blog will obviously be written from that perspective (if you want to know even more specifically what my theological presuppositions are, I am generally fond of and mostly in agreement the statements of the 1689 Baptist Confession of Faith - click to read: original version / modern English version).
  
• God has, in His grace and to His praise, created me with an unusually tender personality. It is nearly impossible for me to hold a grudge. When people take advantage of me or hurt me by their actions, I feel deep pain but can't seem to stay angry at them. In relation to fundamentalism, from whose adherents I have received the most hurtful treatment of my life, I cannot think of a single person I hold hard feelings toward. Even the pastor who told me he would pray for God to kill me allowed me to come to his home last year at my request, and God gave me a love for that pastor again. While I am pained by significant failings and blind spots of fundamentalism, it is filled with people I love and from whom I learned of the love of God for me and the joy that comes from serving Him. So, this blog will not be a platform to tear down those sincere servants of the Most High God. I will be honest about where I believe they are incorrect in their theology or sinful in their actions (just as Paul publicly rebuked Peter for his sinful actions in Galatians 2:11), but I'm too busy with the logs in my own eyes to ever hope to aim straight enough to target them for destruction.
• I have sincerely NOT figured out where I stand on this issue. And, with God's help, I pray that I am not approaching the study with an agenda to make Scripture say what I want it to say but rather to make myself conform to whatever it says, whether I "like" it or not. So on one hand, I am not promoting homosexuality nor defending whatever participation I have had in that lifestyle. But on the other hand, unlike many within conservative theological circles who believe that even examining Scripture's teaching on homosexuality (other than to affirm their own interpretation of the passages) indicates a rebellious heart, I believe that it is a topic worthy of careful, measured, and patient examination. If you are reading this and believe only stubbornness could motivate a re-examination of the topic, I would encourage you to come along on this journey with me anyway. One of two things will happen: either you will be strengthened in your understanding of the topic and perhaps learn something of how someone "in the middle of it" sees it (helping you better to minister to people like me in your life), or else the examination will reveal blind spots in your thinking and understanding, giving you the opportunity to align yourself more directly with the teachings of Scripture. Either way, we each have the opportunity to grow through this, and I value the counsel of others who will help me to identify my own blind spots. In the end, I am determined to study this out exhaustively and truly "own" the conclusion the Lord directs me to.

So this blog will be different from sites advocating the acceptance of homosexuality within Christianity, because I am not yet an advocate for any position. I will be an advocate, or rather an enforcer, of patience and honesty in our discussions here. I will insist, even in our inevitable disagreements, that our conversation always be gracious (cf. Colossians 4:6). I have no intention to censor those who may end up disagreeing with me or others, but there are endless websites out there for invective and angry ranting; I don't believe such will be helpful in what I hope this blog will accomplish. And, I hope that the readers of this blog will point out to me if I ever cross the line and become ungracious in what I write. This is a journey of reconciliation, and I believe we can grow together as we study.

To my gay friends, whether Christians or not, and to anyone else who comes from a worldview that is suspicious of religion and religious people, I hope that, even if you think I'm completely crazy to base my life choices upon the Bible, perhaps at least you can see in me someone who, however imperfectly, is trying to live out my faith in a sincere but non-judgmental manner. You will not find a "hater" in me. I hope that, even those who may not come from the same perspective on the Bible will participate and help us stay honest and not get caught up in religious jargon and subculture.

My next post will be the fourth and final introductory post, and in it I will lay out my plan of attack for the blog for the days to come. No doubt this will be constantly changing and unpredictable, but it will at least give you an idea of where we are going from here until we find some rabbit trail to follow (smile). Thanks for reading!

Click here to continue to the final introductory post.

Introductory Post #2: My Perspective

Note: If you have not already read the first post, you will find it helpful to read these introductory posts in order, as they set the background of this blog and the groundwork for what lies ahead. Click here to read the first post.

[edited 5/23/07 reason: minor clarification]

Several years ago, I had the opportunity to visit Ghana in West Africa. The currency in Ghana is the cedi (pronounced see-dee). One day, we were going to cross the border from Ghana into the neighboring country of Togo. As we went through customs, the Ghanaian official pointed to a black case in my bag and asked me what was in it. Helpfully, I pointed to that case which held my music collection and answered that the case was full of CD's. The official's eyes widened, and suddenly I was being grilled by his supervisor as to why I would try to smuggle Ghanaian currency out of the country. Fortunately, he was patient with me as I explained that what he heard me say was not actually what I truly said, although it sounded the same.

To communicate effectively, both members of a discussion must be sure that they are hearing what the other is actually saying, not what they assume the other would say.For communication to be effective, both members of a conversation must be sure that they are hearing what the other is actually saying, not what they assume the other would say. Carefully defining our terms and choosing our vocabulary precisely is essential, particularly with such a volatile topic as homosexuality, where emotions and passions can run high and cloud otherwise clear-thinking people's judgment and opinions. We also must be committed to patiently hearing each other, not trying to play "gotcha" and catch someone on a technicality to prove some tangential point, but rather lovingly seeking what Scripture actually teaches.

So allow me to share a bit of my perspective on this topic to better help you, the reader, to understand where I am coming from as I write:

From birth, I lived in a Christian home, raised by God-loving parents and attending extremely-conservative Baptist churches. I had a fairly idyllic childhood, quite sheltered from many of the harsh realities of life. My parents, though not perfect, loved me dearly, and I never doubted that. They illustrated (and continue to illustrate) to me what a godly, loving home and marriage relationship should be like. I was never sexually abused. I was not physically abused. My parents were not emotionally distant from me. I was not exposed to pornography or any sexual materials at an early age. In fact, I found out about sex for the very first time when I was 13 years old and my father sat me down for the "birds and bees" talk. Before that day, I seriously had no clue that men and women had different "equipment" or how any of the reproductive process worked (yes, I really was that sheltered).

But from an early age, I related to boys differently than I did to girls. Although I lived two houses from my two female cousins and had another good female friend next door to me, I found myself much more interested, as early as the third grade, to spend time with my guy friends. And, beginning in the third grade, I often found myself drawn to one or another guy friend more than the others. By the sixth grade, more than a year before I even found out what sex was, I had my first crush, on a guy in my class at school. I could not have explained to you what I was feeling if I had wanted to; all I knew was that I liked him and it made me very happy to be around him and to know that he enjoyed being with me. I had no idea what "gay" was, and I never told my friend or anyone else what I was feeling. Even as sheltered as I was, I knew that all the couples I had seen were girls and boys and that it would definitely not be a good thing for me to tell my friend I liked him.

During high school, my attractions became more consciously sexual, but other than some simple (and quite tame) experimentation with a friend, I never acted upon my homosexual attractions, for I was told by my churches that homosexuality was basically a one-way ticket to hell with little or no hope of change. I worked hard through high school and college to eradicate these attractions, believing I had some deep sin problem because I felt as I did (in spite of never acting upon the attraction with another person). I dedicated my life to God to use as He would choose, and I completed undergraduate ministry degrees followed by a master's degree in theology. I was ordained by my local Baptist church and served for 3 years in full-time pastoral ministry. Throughout this time I continued to do everything I could imagine to eliminate the attraction to other men.

Finally, after 3 years in ministry, I hit a very low point and became frightened that I would end up hurting the reputation of my Savior by someday finally failing to resist and scandalizing my church and ministry. So, I went to the head pastor of my church and told him about my struggle, hoping he would offer counsel to help me. Instead, I was dismissed that day from my position in the ministry, followed by a stay in an ex-gay ministry, grilling by people in the church asking if I had molested their sons, and finally my being forced to stand before our church congregation, be publicly rebuked (though I still had not been with another man), and ultimately expelled from the church and my pastor telling me he would pray for God to kill me. My family reacted in great emotion and anger, nearly pushing me to the point of cutting off communication with them altogether.

As you may imagine, in spite of being a fairly patient person, by that point I wanted nothing to do with anything related to the church. I stopped fighting the urges, moved to the neighborhood of a city with a large gay contingency, and stopped attending church altogether. I spent some time "enjoying my freedom," but ultimately ended up falling in love with a guy and pursuing a relationship with him.

But though my church had rejected me, God wouldn't let me go. Very gently, the Great Physician began to bind up the deep wounds in my heart and through great and small providences, to direct me to a church that, in spite of still believing gay sex is sinful, is very welcoming and loving towards gay people. It is a large conservative evangelical church, and I was able to sit in relative anonymity for several months, being in church for no purpose other than to meet with my God and cry to Him. My need of Him became even more apparent about a year and a half ago when, in a moment of deep depression, my boyfriend hung himself in our bedroom, and I found him hanging there.

God used this inexpressible tragedy and trauma (and continues to use it) in amazing ways to move me to the point where I am today. I share all this so that you can understand why I have been motivated to begin this blog. I have two realities.

First, I am a Christian. Like Jonah, I ran away from God as fast as I could, but He lovingly brought me to my knees and into His embrace. So, I have a deep-seated desire in my heart to please the One who loves me and comforts me each day.

But second, I am gay. For those reading this who don't like to use the term "gay" or who feel that sexual orientation terms should not be used for self-identity, please don't get hung up on the term at this point....we will no doubt have lively discussion about that in the days to come. For now, understand that, separate from any external factor that I can identify in my own life, I from a young age was emotionally and physically attracted to men in the way that many men are attracted to women. And while I have many female friends, I have never (no matter how hard I tried) felt that sort of attraction to a woman.

So where does my loyalty lie? That's easy....it is with my Savior. He bought me, redeemed me, and has reconciled me to God positionally (and continues to reconcile me to God practically each day). But I am not pressured anymore to maintain appearances to get people to like me. My church and those I grew up around rejected me. My conservative Christian college and seminary is embarrassed to have an alumnus such as I. My family loves me but wishes this blotch on my life would just go away. My unbelieving gay friends know me as a person unapologetic about my faith but not judgmental. (Interestingly, most of them are much kinder about my faith than my faith friends are about my sexuality. ) But I have been freed from concern for man's approval. My only reason even for keeping myself somewhat anonymous on this blog is just to avoid any distraction that self-identification might create from the purpose of the blog.

So I come to you open and honest about where I am. I am determined to figure out what the Bible says and to align myself with that.

That statement, no doubt, raises many questions in your mind. Do I believe Scripture prohibits gay sex under all circumstances? Are homosexual attractions themselves sinful? Can sincere Christians even discuss this or is the matter so clear in Scripture that mere discussion of it reveals a heart of rebellion? Check in soon for my next post, where I will explain my presuppositions, and then after that, my final introductory post will present my plan of attack for the blog in the days to come.

Thanks for coming along with me on this journey. May each of us stay on the path that God sets before us!

Click here to continue to the third introductory post.

Introductory Post #1: This Blog's Purpose

When I first considered creating a blog as a place to catalogue my ongoing study of the Bible and homosexuality, I naively thought that there were few, if any, internet sites that approached this issue from the perspective of someone who desires to be a God-pleasing person but has not figured out everything of his responsibility in the sexual realm. As I have been working on the framework of the blog these recent weeks, though, I have discovered that there are many others on a similar journey, and I have been blessed and encouraged by reading the words of fellow believers who, as one blogger put it, daily face the collision of these two worlds of faith and sexuality.

I find myself feeling like the rope in some great tug-of-war match, with each set of companions trying to convince me to join them and leave the other.As any person who has homosexual attractions will concur, a great chasm exists between the "gay community" and the "religious community" (terms I use for convenience here more so than for absolute precision). I personally live in the "gay" neighborhood of a large U.S. city, and many of my friends are non-believing gay men. However, I also attend a solid, conservative evangelical church which, although its leaders are far kinder than those in many churches, holds to the belief that homosexual relationships are sinful. All of my previous church experiences have been outright antagonistic towards the gay community.

So, I have experienced the frustration of seeing kind, decent gay friends speak of religion in angry, caustic terms, truly believing that there is no place for a gay man in a circle of faith. And, to some extent, after seeing the hurtful and hateful actions of many Christians toward homosexuals (both personally and toward friends of mine), I can't entirely fault my gay friends for such a perspective.

But then, on the other hand, I have been frustrated by comments I hear from fellow believers--God-loving, sincere people--who paint all homosexuals with the brush of the most extreme elements of gay society. But then again, after seeing the extreme rhetoric of some of the most vocal elements of gay activism and the vile actions of some homosexuals toward Christians, I can't entirely fault my Christian friends for a warped perspective, either.

Thus I find myself feeling like the rope in some great tug-of-war match, with each set of companions trying to convince me to join them and leave the other. And, having the blessing of friendship from people on both sides of the struggle, I am not simply standing there passively, allowing myself to be pulled to and fro. Instead, I try to find opportunities to bring these groups together, to show them that their mental images of each other are caricatures rather than photographs, like those cartoon artists at Six Flags who will purposely exaggerate some physical feature of a person for comedic effect. I want to get rid of the cartoons and show my loved ones the photographs and say, "See here? These are real people, sincerely kind, with real hopes and struggles, just like you!"

But it was a reading of one of my favorite passages of Scripture, the fifth chapter of 2 Corinthians, that helped me to understand how my thinking was slightly off-kilter. For a long time, I have been trying to reconcile "gay reality" with "faith reality", or to reconcile gay friends to faith friends. But 2 Corinthians 5:18-20 says that the very-legitimate ministry of reconciliation that we are given is the ministry of reconciling people to God. Only when that happens--when I am aligned with God's truth, when my gay friends are aligned with God's truth, and when my faith friends are aligned with God's truth--can we truly be reconciled to each other.

So that is the purpose of this blog:

First, it is a record of my own journey as I follow this path of reconciliation with my Savior.

But I hope it will also be a help to gay friends who sincerely seek truth, to see that God's truth does not turn away anyone who comes with an open heart--and that any Christian who acts in unkindness or judgmentalism toward a gay person is acting contrary to, not as an example of, the truth they claim to hold.

And I hope the blog will be a help to my faith friends, to consider that there are people you know and love and respect, who yet are honestly working through these issues, and that perhaps not every gay person is a God-rejecting reprobate.

As we each work to understand God's truth and align ourselves with that truth, we will inevitably find that the chasm between us begins to shrink, and that those differences dividing us are not so far away as we initially thought.

I have purposely kept this initial post, as much as possible, in the realm of the theoretical. The next two posts will address more practical matters of my perspective and presuppositions. But, to use a frequently-heard term, this blog has only one "agenda" - to seek God's truth and to be reconciled to His truth even in this challenging and emotional topic of homosexuality and faith.

Click here to continue to the second introductory post.